#fillmein is a series of guest bloggers who thanks to their background, story or profession are experts in a specific topic or area. Getting advice from someone who’s done it all before can save us a lot of effort and time. And as busy mumpreneurs we have no time to waste.
The first guest blogger we think is a rad mumpreneur and def has something to share is Shannon from The Care Factor. She's been a Executive Coach for over 15 years and coached senior managers, directors and CEOs of brand name Australian companies. Being a mother to three children who thrill and challenge her every day, she truly understands mothers. She has learned how to achieve balance through real life experiences and ALOT of personal development. Today she fills us in on how to get more stuff done by doing less, and hello who doesn´t want to achieve this??!!
Shannon from The Care Factor
Mums do a lot … a heck of a lot! Mums are superheroes, let’s just put that out there.
We do paid work; we do unpaid work AND we do the invisible work of worrying about what work to do.
We are already the most productive members of the workforce as stated by a study conducted by Ernst & Young for the Workplace Gender Equality Agency with mothers only wasting 11.1% of their working hours, compared to an average of 14.5% for the rest of the working population. Excellent! We are working our butts off!
Yet only 20% of Australian mothers feel that they are highly functioning and fulfilled as reported by AIFS.
Why is that?
Do you do this?
- Wake up in the morning and if you don't reach for the phone thats lying beside your bed and check… emails, instagram, … you lie there and think about everything you have to do today….so much to do today… I am often thinking about “what am I going to put in the kid’s lunch boxes today?”
- Then during the day you might be thinking…. about all these things that could happen and what if it did happen….even if it doesn't happen
- Then at night, as you lay your head on your pillow you think, oh my gosh i didn't get that done and that done, ill have to do that tomorrow…. didn't do that good enough….
As a result of this “extra” thinking, it’s nearly impossible to slow down and enjoy the present and we, as mothers, run the risk of burnout with our over active brains. This stress and fatigue of burn-out can actually lead to brains that "look exactly like ones that are sound asleep." That won’t help us get anything done, let alone enjoy life!
The biggest contributor to this stress and burnout is the person himself or herself, because our thinking style determines how we handle changes and respond to demands. Stress and worry is an “inside job” and 49% of women surveyed by Ernst and Young agree saying that they are their own worst critic. The pressure we put on ourselves is just unhealthy.
We’re out of balance. We need to worry less!
We need to stop worrying and focus on what is really important and what really needs to be completed today to help us achieve our goals. We need more balance! (I know, I know yeah right! Easier said than done)
Mothers can do this by shifting their minds set to be more balanced in approach. People who report having a good work life balance actually work 21% harder than those who don’t according to CEB (Corporate Executive Board). So it not about sacrificing one thing to get another; it is about shifting your mindset to be more balanced.
There are three mummy mindsets that hold us back from being balanced
- The people pleaser mum who does everything for everybody else because when everybody else feels ok, she feels ok.
- The I’m not enough mum who always puts herself last because everybody else is more important.
- This is the superperfect mom (this is above and beyond the superhero mom) who has to do everything herself because it has to be done perfectly “her way”.
These mummy mindsets will cause you extra stress, pressure and worry which leads to inefficiency in your day and burnout in your brain. I used to spend more time worrying about what to put in my kid’s lunchbox than it actually took to make the lunch! Then I would be irritated because there was never enough time in the morning. I had to learn… and now I am going to share:
How to shift your mind to be more balanced
It is a three step process:
- Name it – not to shame it
- Learn the lesson – find out what is really going on underneath the mummy mindset
- Talk it out – to take action and do something differently
This is a deep mindfulness practice using compassionate dialogue to build your attentional intelligence. The conversations within this process are going to be different for everyone so if you want to do this in a supervised manner, use a coach. I find this very helpful to do this as a journalling or writing activity if you don't have a coach to work with right now.
One BIG TIP that you can do RIGHT NOW to keep a balanced mindset is to have a
NOT TO DO LIST
I bet you all have a to do list - whether it’s written down or not; but I bet a lot of you don’t have a NOT to do list. On this list are the tasks that you don’t do today or you get to somebody else to do. In this way, you give yourself permission to focus on the things that you decided are more important today and when you start straying, you go back to that NOT to do list and remember that you’re not going to do that. So you can focus….focus on what is really important to you.
By doing less worrying and less of what does NOT NEED to be done, we can be balanced in our minds and have it all with a clear conscience.
- Have clarity
- Focus and get more done
- Enjoy parenting more and not resent our kids
- Be calm in the midst of chaos - a wonderful skill to have especially if like me you have 3 children asking you for 3 completely different things all at the same time!
A balanced mind leads to a balanced life - no matter what is actually going on, and that leads to more happiness and fulfillment…and getting stuff DONE!
Further info on the author
The Care Factor’s mission is to improve the lives of children everywhere by helping the mothers to be more balanced and less stressed. The Care Factor leads workshops and retreats, and has coaching programs for more personal transformations.
Shannon Young is your Care Factor Coach. She's been a Executive Coach for over 15 years and coached senior managers, directors and CEOs of brand name Australian companies. With several coaching accreditations and an MBA, her coaching combines brain sciences, research and spiritual practices with practical mothering experience to foster a unique learning experience where self care is central to growth. She was given the first “HIGHLY RECOMMENDED” stamp of approval for her Balanced Babe Retreats by blogger Mumma Morrisson.
Contact her for a introductory self-care strategizing session at firstname.lastname@example.org